Impulsive self growth

I did a good thing today, apparently (according to my new therapist). I acted in such a way as to deviate from my previous dysfunctionality. At the time, I did not think that much of it, and in fact debated it as rash and unhealthy. Turns out that it was a positive act, spurred by some deeply-buried instinct of self-nurture and esteem.

Maybe I'm finally healing. I heeded a small but ultimately triumphant voice of reason and conviction.

It sounds like something I would have planned and forced myself to do, and instead it happened almost by accident. I just knew that I was angry at what was being done to me. I have been stuck in deliberation for all of my life, and where has it got me?

Just act. Your gut knows what is just, if you are basically moral. And staying moral is really not that hard. Don't hurt anybody for personal gain. Don't take more than you need.

I'm still afraid at what I did, because I also had to sacrifice something (I feel). Maybe it is okay. I love being in love. But I couldn't continue to allow myself to be led. I had to act to regain control of the situation. "If you really care about me, this is what you will be willing to do. Otherwise, I don't need it."

Men always think they have to avoid temporary pain like the plague. They have no appreciation for the long haul. Why is that?

Never let men get the upper hand. They rarely prove themselves worthy.

So I'm glad I started this: I'm going to have plenty to say. I resolve to allow myself to ramble. My voice is important, also.

I had a close call (again).